How to Say Goodbye: Helping your family through the loss of a pet

I’m sobbing as I type this. We had to say goodbye to our best good boy this week.

Schroeder was an impulse buy. We were shopping at a mall and decided to pop into the pet store. As soon as we met this wiggly gray and white puppy, we were smitten. We HAD to take him home.

Later, when he would do something puppies do like eat my shoes, we would joke, “See, this is why you don’t buy a dog from the place next to Hot Topic.”

When we moved to Missoula, we spent a ton of time outside with him, going on walks around our Northside neighborhood in the snow, hiking in the Bitterroot, and watching him be the fastest dog at Jacob’s Island Dog Park.

Like every parent-to-be, we worried about how our fur kid would welcome a new baby. But from the moment we brought Asher home, they were best buds. Schroeder didn’t leave his side, always standing guard. Cora came along and her favorite activity seemed to be just messing with him. Laying on him, pulling his tail, putting things on his head and saying “hat.”

He took it all. He was so gentle, so loving.

He turned 15 this year, and we started to notice him slowing down. It’s to be expected. But what wasn’t expected was the tumor that showed up on his hip. The vet said it wouldn’t be a good idea to operate, so instead we came up with a plan for palliative care and keeping him comfortable. He lived another five months that way. We offered lots of treats in his last months of life and did everything we could to keep him comfortable.

But he crossed the rainbow bridge a couple of days ago.

Navigating the loss of a beloved pet is hard enough. Navigating it with kids felt impossible. I’ve learned so much on this journey that I want to share with those of you who will be making the same choices in the future.

Schedule family photos and include your pet. If you know your pet is at the end of its life, make sure to include it in family photos. You’ll treasure those memories forever. Fortunately, I booked a family session, for Tuesday, not knowing it our dog would be gone by Friday. I can’t imagine the emotions when I see those images. Just be sure your photographer is comfortable working with animals.

Use a Quality of Life Calculator. If you’re faced with the impossible decision about when to let your pet go, let technology do the work. This was some of the hardest but best advice I got on this journey. Our pets sometimes hang on for us well past the point they are living a full, happy life. Our dog had had cancer for months, but I wasn’t ready to let him go. Some friends gently pointed us to this Quality of Life calculator, which helped us understand that he was suffering and it was time to say goodbye.

Be mindful of what to say to your kids. Our vet recommended we tell our kids what was happening. They are 7 and 9. He said kids younger than 6 seem to have a harder time with the idea that you are making the choice to put an animal down, but kids who are older understand. Of course, a child’s maturity also plays a role. In your grief, don’t forget this is their loss too. Here’s a helpful article about explaining pet death to children.

Decide where and how. If you have to make the heartbreaking decision to euthanize your pet, there’s a few local options. Pruyn Veterinary Hospital is the primary vet clinic in Missoula offering euthanasia. Many other vet clinics refer out to them. They are gentle and tender, with comfortable rooms that look like living rooms for you to sit with your pet as you say goodbye. You’ll pay around $275. If you decide you would rather be at home, call Peaceful Pet Passings.

If you’re faced with this sad decision, know us other animal lovers understand the pain you must be feeling and are with you.